Broken
by GleekBroadwayDiva
Summary: Maybe, just maybe those girls were right, maybe I didn't deserve to live, maybe Beck didn't love me after all. Maybe I was no one. A Jade one shot, with a LOT of bade fluff.


Broken, a Victorious Fanfic.

TITLE: Broken, A Bade Oneshot, mostly focused on Jade though.

PAIRINGS: Bade, but it's VERY angsty, if you don't like angst then DON'T read this.

SYPNOSIS: Maybe, just maybe those girls were right, maybe I didn't deserve to live, maybe Beck didn't love me after all. Maybe I was no one. A Jade one shot, with a LOT of bade fluff.

**A/N: Hi! Awesome people who have decided to read my story *internet party*. So I DID delete all my stories, because I lost all my confidence and stuff like that. But I am BACK. Thanks to everyone who helped me get over that stage of my life, I love you all! SO urm yeah, I was going to get my beta to look through this, but I'm impatient. Please, PLEASE review! I got this idea from one of my friends, Victoriousjadefan. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own victorious, or the characters, I only own my stories. **

**WARNING: CONTAINS SELF HARM AND NEARLY ATTEMPTED SUICIDE. **

I can feel my walls crumbling down, the protection I had spent so long vanishing. Leaving me with nothing to hide the person who I hadn't been in years. Jadelyn West.

A girl that's scared. A girl that wants to be perfect. A girl that knows that she's worthless, that she's fat. That she's a nobody.

That girl is showing.

I feel like I'm naked. Standing out in the crowd, everybody can see me, everybody knows who I really am.

I keep telling myself every night, that I'm too fat, I'm too ugly, I shouldn't be alive. And then I scrape off the parts of my body that I hate the most. My skin.

I don't know why, but when I'm scraping off the parts that no one cares about, all the pain, the hurt, is gone. All I can feel is the sharp shaver, cutting into my skin. And it feels different. It feels better than what I feel everyday.

I hide my scars like I hide myself. I don't even show them to Beck, who wouldn't even notice them anyway.

If he knew who I really was, then hed leave me. He likes girls, that are prettier, and better than me.

Its midnight. I'm lying in my bed, breathing softly, staring at my ceiling, begging for it to collapse so I can end all this pain.

People are starting to notice. Those girls who are older and prettier than me- Carmen, Rebecca and Jess. They come to my house every day after school, and they scream that I'm a freak, that I'm not who everyone thinks I am, that I'm a loser.

I run outside afterwards to find them, but they're gone.

I can hear their voices now, taunting me, whispering that I should go kill myself. I've considered it so many times. Maybe I'd end the pain if I killed myself.

Beck.

I lean slowly over to my bedside table, and grab my mobile, and tap out Beck's number.

It rings, four times, before somebody finally answers it.

"Jade? Why are you ringing me at midnight?" He asks me. I feel my heart melting at his voice.

I'm sat upright, my whole body shaking, "Why are you awake? Are you with some girl?" I can't help myself. The words come out before I can stop them.

Beck sighs from the other end, "Jade I'm really tired, I've got to go,"

The tears start to fall out of my eyes, "You don't care do you?"

"Jade- are you crying?" I stop crying as quickly as I started.

"No." I say, trying to convince myself that I'm not, even though fresh tears are forming.

There was a pause down the other end, "Listen Jade, what's the matter, you can tell me!"

I shake my head, "You don't care Beck. I'm going to end all this pain tonight, and you don't even care do you?" I sob.

"What? Where is all this coming from? Jade you can't die! I need you!" Beck says, and I know he's crying. He's an actor, this is probably all fake. He doesn't care.

"Don't start with all that Beck, you don't care! If you cared then you'd notice the pain I'm feeling! You'd notice the scars on my arms! But you never do." I cry, trying to keep my voice quiet so I don't wake up my father.

"You haven't been- Oh my god Jade, wait there, I'm on my way!"

I know he's lying. He's not going to come. He doesn't care about me. He never has.

I walk carefully over to my dresser, and grab a pen and some paper. What do I say? I've planned this moment for so long, but I need to do this properly. I owe them that much.

First I write a letter to Tori. Although I've never been nice to her before, she's noticed me. She's seen the real me.

Dear Vega,  
I know I don't even speak to you that often, and when I do I often insult you, I just want to say, thank you. Thankyou for noticing who I am, noticing when I was in pain. I know you won't miss me, so what's the point in even saying don't miss me.  
I'm not worth your tears,  
Jadelyn West.

That wasn't too hard. Although my hands are shaking, and I can't see what I'm writing, its not as hard as I thought. The next letter is to Cat, my best friend. I'm not scared to admit that.

Dear Cat,  
Please don't miss me Cat. I'm not worth it. I don't want to make you cry, I just want to end all this pain inside of me.  
You saw the real me, that time when we had a sleepover, three years ago. Thank you for everything. You've cheered me up, and made my last years, better years than they could have been. You're beautiful, and perfect, and one day you'll be a star. Its been a pleasure knowing you, Cat Valentine.  
I'll never forget you, lots of love,  
Jadelyn, or Jadey, West.

Okay that letter was a lot harder to write, but I'm determined to carry on. I write letters to everyone, Robbie, Andre, and even Trina. They must be the nicest things I've said in years.

Now the last letter, the letter to Beck. Its been ten minutes since I called him. He's not here.

I quickly scribble out my message to him, I've memorised it.

Dear Beck,  
This isn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. You were the perfect boyfriend. But I wasn't the perfect girlfriend. I love you more than I can describe. But I need to end this pain, and go to somewhere, where maybe I can be happy. Who know's? I've left the ring that you gave me on our anniversairy on my table. You can give it to some girl who will be better, and prettier than me.  
I love you Beckett Oliver, always and forever.  
As I say my final words,  
I want them to be to,  
I just want you to know,  
That I'll always love you.  
Jadelyn West.

And then I step into my closet, where the rope is hanging, ready. I am about to step up, and leave my life, when the door of the closet flings open, and my boyfriend is standing there.

He has tears running down his cheeks, and he gives me a heartbroken look.

He reaches out his hand, for me to take. But I shake my head slowly. I need to go, I need to leave.

"Beck- I need to go," my voice is breaking from all the tears, and I can see him crying again.

I'm not worth his tears.

I realise now who the voices are inside me. Its the girls, they're inside my brain. Making me believe all these things.

Beck suddenly pulls me away, and I feel my body collapse in his hands. Beck then kisses my head softly and whispers, "Jade, I love you. You're worth all those tears, and so much so much more. I know I've been a jerk lately, I haven't noticed the pain you're in. But I'm not letting you die!" He says, stroking my hair softly.

I remember what its like to feel wanted. And the tears fall down my cheek.

"I need to go Beck, please, let me go."

"No Jade, you've got it all wrong!"

I turn to him, "How?"

"Tonight, when I was up at midnight, it was because I was om the phone to the school, demanding that those girls who have been hurting you get expelled. And I have noticed you Jade, I've noticed that you aren't being yourself, but I left you. I wanted you to figure out who you were yourself.". Beck said softly.

I started to cry once again, "You really did that for me?"

"Of course, Anyone who hurts you never gets away with it." Beck said firmly.

I smile, "Thankyou Beck."

"Don't thank me, I should have done it ages ago, when it first started."

My smile becomes bigger, "What happens now?"

"You go to sleep, but not alone, in my arms." He said, leading me over to the bed, where we fell asleep in each other's arms.

"Sometimes, you have to show the person who you love, that you need them. Because life without love, is like a story, without words."

**A/N: I will continue this and make it more than a one shot if you guys want. I'd really appreciate reviews!**

**Thanks for reading my story, love you all. **

**Read on if you want to see my shoutouts to awesome people, otherwise, bye! Thanks for reading!**

**SHOUTOUTS: **

**IamImPerfect****, for being an awesome admin on the forum that saved my life. I love you so much! THANKYOU. **

**ForWhomTheBelleTolls, ****you're amazing, do you know that? You've made my days much more happier and bearable, and I love you so much. I can tell you ANYTHING, and I'll always be here for you. Thank you Belle!xo**

**XKateTheDisneyTurtleX, for our amazing chats on the forum. And of course for reading my story, thanks for all the support and happy times. You're an amazing friend!x**

**There's tons more, but check out the topaz awards to find them. **

**Signing off, **

**Anna xo**


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